Bees

One night in mid October before bed I felt a migraine coming on, no big deal as I've been dealing with migraines most of life. Took some meds and went to bed. The next morning the migraine was still there and is still here. That is right Y'all the migraine I keep talking about is the same one I've had since October. It hasn't left, it's just dulled.

The best way I can describe it is like I have a swarm of Bees living in my head. When the neds kick in the bees are just buzzing around annoying but can deal with. Once the meds wear off, it's like bees wake up and start stinging (Not fun and so painfully ).  Sone days once the Bees wake up it's hard deal to, yes they're are even tears but that's what my life has been since October and why this blog has been collecting dust!

I'm still here

Just a quick update, sorry  that the blog has gone quite for a bit as I'm still dealing with my never ending migraine! We saw the neurologist yesterday and determined that med dose increases was in order. Also found out that dairy products are a migraine trigger, so I'm now going dairy free full time.

Sometimes a little bit of sunshine is all you need

This Florida trip has been filled with happy times, sad, tears and laugher but I feel it is just what the souls has needed.

It nice seeing Kato saying "I do "

It was sad saying goodbye to Aunt RayRay but it eases the pain knowing that she is no longer in pain.

So amazed and grateful for the amazing kindness and understanding (not to mention treatment of a Queen) that Linds has shown me.

So very Thankful to Froggy for giving me the pushed for this time with the family.

The bonus of this trip has been the time spent with my grandma and knowing that it might be the last time she remembers me.

But so glad to have this time with everyone to make new memories and for every moment to count.

The only will hiccups in this trip was the fact that E and I couldn't see each other but we've chatted and it's always nice being in the same time zone. (Also under the moon and stars at the same time ).

Making space mum proud

One of the things I loved most about Carrie Fisher was that she made not being normal well normal.

I'm going on week 6 of a Migraine (along with dizziness ) and yesterday I had my 3rd attempt at an MRI which thankfully I was able to do. Because I took meds.

By doing something I was reminded that Carrie said that its OK to take them if you need them. It's not a sign of weakness but of strength.

I just

Want to feel normal again. All of this month I've been feeling off and super sick. Thankfully in two weeks I have a doctor's appointment to get a few things checked out and hopefully some answers.

This time of waiting and not knowing is super scary and because I've been so out of it as of late, I feel like I've let people down.

I'm sure many of my friends have noticed but I've been super focused on baseball as of late, that is because it's keep me from worrying about what the Doctor is going to find or not find. Even though it's out of my control baseball has given me something I can control (I hope that makes sense)!

If you the praying type I could use some or if you are not the praying type it would be great if you could send some good vibes my way.

Lots of love to Y'all!

I feel

Like I'm being a friend by not asking how you are but I also feel like  I'm being a friend by letting you be and just reminding you that I'm here for you. That I love you. That you are stuck with me until the beyond the end of time.

31 photos

For the month on October I've been challenged to 31 B&W (no people) !

Not knowing

What do you need?

What can I do for you?

How can I help, can I do anything?

This is not to make you feel bad this is just me venting my feelings and trying not to make it all about me. It's just making sure I am doing the right thing for you. I hope that makes sense.

I hate this feeling, the feeling of feeling like I'm not doing enough for you, the feeling of being so far away from you in your time of need. The feeling of not knowing. The feeling of somehow by not doing or doing what I've been doing that I'm letting you down.

I hope you know that  I'm sending you hugs with love and prayers everyday. You are not far from my thoughts. I hope you know that you can reach out and I will be here / there. You are forever my soulmate and nothing will change that.

I hope that what I've been doing is the right thing. Hopefully if I've done something wrong or not enough you would tell me when the the time is right. I just want what is best for you and what you need.

I understand if you need space, just hope you know that I'm here for you always and forever! 

I'm here

Just know that you are loved and that I'm only a phone call away (or a plane ride) !

:(

I don't even know why I try anymore, it hurts and I'm sick and tried of being hurt by people who say they are my friends. You say you miss me and want to hang out but when I ask when and tell you that I'm free all I get back is crickets. Then when plans are made they are soon called off and never reschedule. But yet I see Y'all hanging out together without me, it hurts because I don't know what I did wrong and Y'all still say that you miss me but if you miss me as much as you say, why don't we hang out?  If you really don't miss me and don't want to hang out just tell me and I will leave you alone and it won't hurt as much because I will finally know the truth and will be able to move on!

Someone has to make the first move

A few weeks ago one of my friends shared a meme that said something along the lines of : "was feeling guilty about the fact that I haven't reached out to my friends in While but remembered the phone works both ways, so now I don't feel guilty". My thinking is that is great and all but what if the other person is thinking the same way? That just means it's a continuous circle and no one talks anymore.

Last night I was thinking about a few friends because it seems like everyone is having a bad end of summer. So I reached out to them just to let them know that I was thinking about them. Turns out they had been missing me too, my whole point of this is " if you are missing someone reach out to them".

How I've been feeling about my favorite murder (podcast). Given recent events

i’m still going to be listening to my favorite murder. But with that being said , i don’t see K & G the way i used to. I get that they’re human and have made some big mistakes and that everyone makes mistake as we are only human. i don’t fully support them because I don't think they realize what they've done wrong but i still enjoy listening to them tell stories.

I would feel better if they came out and said that they truly understand why people have been upset on the Podcast. It's great that they have done it online but that has felt kinda half assed and like they were trying to save face.

This has been a crazy day

 starting with the Tour de France (G-Tom first and in yellow and Froomey in 2nd) , another new trailer for the 13th doctor and now the trailer for the new season of clone wars. Oh and the trailer for the Titans movie.

I've been here before

I know it's been forever since my last post and that I've been here before, but after spending yesterday with some of my favorite Cali peeps and seeing the trailer for the 13th doctor (Doctor Who). I'm feeling that there is magic back in the air and I have a game plan for getting Monday that involves deep cleaning my office!  It's the little things that make up the biggest and greatness of life!

Just remember my dear readers you are loved!

It's the little things that matter

For example one of my favorite Christmas gifts was a small general Leia doll.

For my birthday it was the fact that Jasa called me sis, ( we kinda lost touched when I got married) so glad that we found out way back to each other.

It's also hugs from the husband.

Cow pics from Esa.

Being tagged in creepy but cool doll pics by Ashley.

Texts from Cindy-Lou, Amanda, Linds and Alycia just to say that there still care!


The small things make all the difference in the world and sometimes more meaningful compared to the big things.

True crime

I have always loved mysterious and true crime stories. From learning to have a love for reading by Getting hooked on Nancy Drew to bounding with my middle sister by watching true crime stories on the telly.

It's been kinda of hidden passion of mine, only my closet family and friends know. But thanks to the podcast : "My Favorite Murder" I have found a whole group of understanding peeps. The best thing is that the group is caring and support. (But we are not a cult, so no need to call our dads)!

New year new start

Life happens and the best thoughts go out the window, but it's now 2018 so that means a new start and maybe things will be right on track.

Start the year off sick as a dog but in a way that is good because it means things can only go up from this point!

I had

A friend recently ask me why Carrie Fisher's death hit me harder then other celebrities. The answer is because she was on of my hero's and I have also gotten to meet her in person.

She showed me that it was ok to be different and having a mental illness was something to be considered normal instead of a curse. In her role as Princess Leia she showed that sometimes you need to be kickass and rescue yourselves while it's ok to be a princess too.

She may have not made the best life choices, but she owned up to them and was trying to make the best of life.

While the new trailer for the last Jedi has gotten me excited for the movie, it's still going to be hard to see Carrie on screen. But I am also thankful that we can see her on the big screen one last time.

It's going to be a long wait until December!

Been home a week now

Finally getting back into the swing of things, and it's amazing being back in Cali. I am been marking good progress on doing what I need to in order to land my dream job.

Totally loving the cooler fall weather and the fun that has already been had with some of the Cali crew and more fun is waiting to be had :).

October is going to be an super fun month.

What a month

It's been a crazy time, with my sister giving birth to her first daughter. A hurricane hitting us and losing power for 5 days. The hurricane also messing up plans of another FL SW reunion. But thankfully we all made it through the storm safe and sound.

The hardest thing about this is the fact that froggy and I have been apart for so long, I think 3 weeks is my max. While I been having fun with east coast family, I am so excited to be heading back to the west coast!

Also so thankful that the beach condo is still standing and I can enjoy some beach time.