Friday, September 9, 2016

I feel like a failure

At my job for nine and a half years, it may not have been the best job but i enjoyed it, it was a good fit for me and i made it my own. i proved to myself and others that for a time that i could do it, but since i was let go. i feel like maybe i was not as good as i thought. Time to find a new job has been scary I'm not sure what I'm really good at. I'm scared no one will like me, i am scared I won't be a good fit. The thought of leading some new is both exciting and scary at the same time.

I thought that I would enjoy not working but it's so boring, I am such a people person, that it's taking its toll on Froggy and I, while he is being crazy at work and just wants to relax when he gets home, I am ready for something exciting and it's been that way since we moved to Cali.

It just goes to show that opposite attract, he is the day and I am the night. That is how we make it work, playing off of each other strength and weaknesses.

That is also why I feel like a failure because I am not doing my part in helping us, well be an us, I feel like I let so many down by being let go from the job and more by still not having job, I feel like I am not pulling my weight and making everything about me, when it should be about us.

I for the most part know what I would love do and want to do but it's my fear of failure that holds me back and the fact that I don't feel really quifiled to do it. I feel so lost and yet not lost at the same time, I wish I knew who to quite the doubts and fear that have taken control of me.

The one thing I do know is to put my trust in the Lord for all things are possible though Him. This is all part of his grand scheme for my life. I am giving Him the wheel and trusting in Him; that he will lead me in the right direction of when and when I need to be.

But it's scary to do and I feel like a failure there too because I fully have not given him the wheel and maybe that is what I need to do (give him the wheel) to quite the doubts that have taken over my mind, heart and soul.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Watch this space

So many ideas but only on thing comes to mind when I sit down to type!

Phase one: think of dream job

Phase two: research

Phase three : make it happen

Phase four : get the job