Friday, September 9, 2016

I feel like a failure

At my job for nine and a half years, it may not have been the best job but i enjoyed it, it was a good fit for me and i made it my own. i proved to myself and others that for a time that i could do it, but since i was let go. i feel like maybe i was not as good as i thought. Time to find a new job has been scary I'm not sure what I'm really good at. I'm scared no one will like me, i am scared I won't be a good fit. The thought of leading some new is both exciting and scary at the same time.

I thought that I would enjoy not working but it's so boring, I am such a people person, that it's taking its toll on Froggy and I, while he is being crazy at work and just wants to relax when he gets home, I am ready for something exciting and it's been that way since we moved to Cali.

It just goes to show that opposite attract, he is the day and I am the night. That is how we make it work, playing off of each other strength and weaknesses.

That is also why I feel like a failure because I am not doing my part in helping us, well be an us, I feel like I let so many down by being let go from the job and more by still not having job, I feel like I am not pulling my weight and making everything about me, when it should be about us.

I for the most part know what I would love do and want to do but it's my fear of failure that holds me back and the fact that I don't feel really quifiled to do it. I feel so lost and yet not lost at the same time, I wish I knew who to quite the doubts and fear that have taken control of me.

The one thing I do know is to put my trust in the Lord for all things are possible though Him. This is all part of his grand scheme for my life. I am giving Him the wheel and trusting in Him; that he will lead me in the right direction of when and when I need to be.

But it's scary to do and I feel like a failure there too because I fully have not given him the wheel and maybe that is what I need to do (give him the wheel) to quite the doubts that have taken over my mind, heart and soul.

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