Not knowing

What do you need?

What can I do for you?

How can I help, can I do anything?

This is not to make you feel bad this is just me venting my feelings and trying not to make it all about me. It's just making sure I am doing the right thing for you. I hope that makes sense.

I hate this feeling, the feeling of feeling like I'm not doing enough for you, the feeling of being so far away from you in your time of need. The feeling of not knowing. The feeling of somehow by not doing or doing what I've been doing that I'm letting you down.

I hope you know that  I'm sending you hugs with love and prayers everyday. You are not far from my thoughts. I hope you know that you can reach out and I will be here / there. You are forever my soulmate and nothing will change that.

I hope that what I've been doing is the right thing. Hopefully if I've done something wrong or not enough you would tell me when the the time is right. I just want what is best for you and what you need.

I understand if you need space, just hope you know that I'm here for you always and forever! 

I'm here

Just know that you are loved and that I'm only a phone call away (or a plane ride) !

:(

I don't even know why I try anymore, it hurts and I'm sick and tried of being hurt by people who say they are my friends. You say you miss me and want to hang out but when I ask when and tell you that I'm free all I get back is crickets. Then when plans are made they are soon called off and never reschedule. But yet I see Y'all hanging out together without me, it hurts because I don't know what I did wrong and Y'all still say that you miss me but if you miss me as much as you say, why don't we hang out?  If you really don't miss me and don't want to hang out just tell me and I will leave you alone and it won't hurt as much because I will finally know the truth and will be able to move on!

Someone has to make the first move

A few weeks ago one of my friends shared a meme that said something along the lines of : "was feeling guilty about the fact that I haven't reached out to my friends in While but remembered the phone works both ways, so now I don't feel guilty". My thinking is that is great and all but what if the other person is thinking the same way? That just means it's a continuous circle and no one talks anymore.

Last night I was thinking about a few friends because it seems like everyone is having a bad end of summer. So I reached out to them just to let them know that I was thinking about them. Turns out they had been missing me too, my whole point of this is " if you are missing someone reach out to them".

How I've been feeling about my favorite murder (podcast). Given recent events

i’m still going to be listening to my favorite murder. But with that being said , i don’t see K & G the way i used to. I get that they’re human and have made some big mistakes and that everyone makes mistake as we are only human. i don’t fully support them because I don't think they realize what they've done wrong but i still enjoy listening to them tell stories.

I would feel better if they came out and said that they truly understand why people have been upset on the Podcast. It's great that they have done it online but that has felt kinda half assed and like they were trying to save face.

This has been a crazy day

 starting with the Tour de France (G-Tom first and in yellow and Froomey in 2nd) , another new trailer for the 13th doctor and now the trailer for the new season of clone wars. Oh and the trailer for the Titans movie.

I've been here before

I know it's been forever since my last post and that I've been here before, but after spending yesterday with some of my favorite Cali peeps and seeing the trailer for the 13th doctor (Doctor Who). I'm feeling that there is magic back in the air and I have a game plan for getting Monday that involves deep cleaning my office!  It's the little things that make up the biggest and greatness of life!

Just remember my dear readers you are loved!